I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
