I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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