You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize
