I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
