I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
