I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
