dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
