there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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