My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
