I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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