'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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