I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
