do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
