honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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