11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is my gift to your gina
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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