Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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