Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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