If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
