I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
