I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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