So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
