I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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