Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
