ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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