I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am spending my child support on dildos
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
