wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
