A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize