Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
