i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
