new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
