That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
