I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize