3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
