she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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