i permit you to call me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
