I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
