I puked a lego.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
