The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
