god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
