The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize