I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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