i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
