oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
