when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
