i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
