Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
