i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Boobs are out for the taking
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
