Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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