You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
