I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
