The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
