im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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