She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
