that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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