So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Someone came in the potted fern
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
