so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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