ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
