I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
