Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
