shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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