I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
