Your mouth is God's brothel.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
