im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He did a backflip because drugs
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
