I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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