i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
