And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Less talking, more tequila
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
