Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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