So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Randomize
