can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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