Got a toothbrush?
i wish my penis had a tongue
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize