yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
