thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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