She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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