Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
