I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
no you cant smoke seaweed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
