Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
