you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
