All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize