I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
