It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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