You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
