i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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