I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
