I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
