Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
