I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
