So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
