it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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