She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is Oprah even human
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
