I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
