whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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